I am working in NYC for the next few days, and once again was reminded of how looks-conscious and how bombarded with images of "perfection" our culture is. I passed so many photos of airbrushed models I can hardly count them! And I passed too many tense, brittle young women who were attempting to fulfill all of these fantasies at once!
Having worked in publishing for so many years, I am fully aware of how photos are manipulated before they are published. Tall, slim men and women with interesting facial bone structure spend hours having hair and makeup done to create the photographer's ideal - then these people are carefully dressed, posed and lit before a single shot is taken.
Once the shoot is done, the images are sent to the art department, and the real work begins! Skin tones are balanced and corrected, pimples and freckles and other "imperfections" are removed, visible pores and lines are smoothed out, teeth and eyes are whitened, actual eyecolor is often manipulated to include colors from the clothing or the set, some photographers prefer to shoot the models with clean faces and apply all makeup during this step!
And these steps are just the standard taken with a gorgeous model. Much more can be done to enhance the not-so-perfect. Like removing fat rolls and cellulite and double chins, adding cleavage, altering noses or chins or cheekbones, changing haircolor, and more.
Even though I know all of this, and have actually done some of this work over the years, it is still hard to look at the finished product and not feel envious at times! And it is also still hard to keep my perspective on what is truly important: health and inner beauty.
Inner beauty does not come from the careful application of lotions and potions, nor does it come from regularly scheduled manicures. Inner beauty comes from self-knowledge. Inner beauty comes from cultivating interests and passions that have nothing to do with appearance, such as literature, or gardening. Inner beauty can only grow as we do, whereas the advertising/publishing model of outer beauty can only diminish with age.
I see inner beauty light up a mother's face when she snuggles with her children. I see a nurse's inner beauty when she cares for the babies in her NICU unit. I see my mom's inner beauty when she advocates for the head injured or when she cares for her loved ones.
When do you see the inner beauty in the women you love?
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
My Grandma - Mar 27, 1914 - Feb 22, 2008
My grandmother was born on March 27, 1914. When she was a child, ice and coal were delivered in horse-drawn wagons. In her lifetime she experienced the death of an infant brother, 2 World Wars (with her brothers all fighting in WW2 and all surviving!), the Great Depression, the Vietnam War (with a son fighting who also survived), 9/11 (she lost a grandson), and more. She outlived her parents, her husband, her sisters, all but two brothers, and two grandsons. She also had 5 healthy children. These children then in turn gave her 13 grandchildren and 8 great-grandchildren that all adored her and loved spending time with her.
Grandma died one year ago today.
Grandma taught me that faith, grace and duty are the glue that holds families and societies together. She taught me that dirty linens should never be aired in public, and sometimes not even within the family. She taught me the value of privacy. Grandma taught me that most slights should be ignored and not allowed to rankle and develop into resentment. She also taught me to choose my battles – sometimes a hurt must be addressed, but it should be addressed with dignity.
Over the years, Grandma shared many stories with me: how she met my grandfather, little stories about childhood friends and the wonder of a friend who could afford comic books, and more. There was even a funny moment a few years back when she told me of how she used to wish her family could afford eggs and bacon every day for breakfast like a certain “rich” classmate – all Grandma’s family could afford was porridge for breakfast most days - and now we know how unhealthy the eggs and bacon are and she outlived them all!
Grandma also taught me the value of walking - and not "loosing your legs". Grandma was fiercely independant and walked (by herself!) a mile to the bank and the shops into her 80s. She probably also contributed to the early graying of the rest of us by doing this, as we were always worried she would be mugged ;)
Grandma with her 8th Great-Grandchild - not bad for a 92 year age difference!
I miss my Grandma, but I take comfort in knowing she is with God and that I will see here again.
Grandma died one year ago today.
Grandma taught me that faith, grace and duty are the glue that holds families and societies together. She taught me that dirty linens should never be aired in public, and sometimes not even within the family. She taught me the value of privacy. Grandma taught me that most slights should be ignored and not allowed to rankle and develop into resentment. She also taught me to choose my battles – sometimes a hurt must be addressed, but it should be addressed with dignity.
Over the years, Grandma shared many stories with me: how she met my grandfather, little stories about childhood friends and the wonder of a friend who could afford comic books, and more. There was even a funny moment a few years back when she told me of how she used to wish her family could afford eggs and bacon every day for breakfast like a certain “rich” classmate – all Grandma’s family could afford was porridge for breakfast most days - and now we know how unhealthy the eggs and bacon are and she outlived them all!
Grandma also taught me the value of walking - and not "loosing your legs". Grandma was fiercely independant and walked (by herself!) a mile to the bank and the shops into her 80s. She probably also contributed to the early graying of the rest of us by doing this, as we were always worried she would be mugged ;)
Grandma with her 8th Great-Grandchild - not bad for a 92 year age difference!
I miss my Grandma, but I take comfort in knowing she is with God and that I will see here again.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Happy 6th Anniversary to Paul and Leah!
My brother and his wife are celebrating their anniversary today, so I will be going over later to play with the girls while the grown-ups have a lovely evening to themselves.
It is a wonderful thing to witness a happy marriage! I was proud to be a part of their wedding six years ago - I was thrilled to welcome my two little nieces when they were born - and I am still proud of the seemingly effortless work Paul and Leah put into their marriage and into being wonderful, loving parents.
God bless you both and bring you many more happy years together!
Friday, February 13, 2009
I'm in love with him and I feel fine...
For the first years M and I were a couple, M felt that Valentine's Day was "a commercial holiday - I refuse to support it - I can tell you I love you whenever I want and not be dictated to by Hallmark and the candy companies!"
So I wrote cute little love notes to him and truly didn't mind. After all, I insisted upon loving a man who told me my eyes were beautiful... like pond algae...I knew what I was getting into.
Then, we grew into a more romantic phase - when he called me his little turtledove with a straight face, and brought me beautiful flowers on random "they made me think of you" days.
Tragedy struck on 9/11 and we grew stronger with each other's support. We had ups and downs afterwards - some of the worst times of my life - but having grown thru them, we are a team and no man can tear us asunder!
Last month, we had our 11 year anniversary. I have known this man since he was a gawky, shy 15 year old track star and I was an awkward, shy 14 year old track wanna-be. We didn't exactly run together, for he was and is far more a talented athlete than I - in fact, he probably would have preferred to toss me off the team altogether! It would be several years before we were on friendly speaking terms.
We are now in our mid-40s, and I love him in small quiet ways and I love him in big gushy, embarrassing ways.
I loved the way he would blush and be all self-conscious when girls would wolf-whistle and call out "great legs!" to him in high school. I love the way he plays piano and completely, unselfconsciously loses himself in the music. I love the way he now needs reading glasses at night when he reads his Bible in bed. I love the way he pursues truth even when it annoys the living daylights out of me. I love the way he ran 2 miles in the middle of the night to the hospital to be with me in the ER when I was hit by a car (I was ok - minor fractures/bruises). I love the way he cried with me when my brother was killed on 9/11. I love the way he eats my cookery experiments and tries to sincerely compliment dishes I know he can't stand. I love the way he helps to care for our home, even though he hates owning "lots of things".
Most of all, I love that he loves me - and that we are truly partners. This week I have been a bit depressed and cranky and I love that he still cares for me and my tender feelings even when I'm being completely unreasonable.
For Valentine's Day, I am making him oreo truffles because he likes sweet things and I have not baked sweet things since Christmas. (Note to self: Muffins do not count as sweet things because they can be eaten as meals?) I am also writing him a mushy love letter outlining why I am glad to have had 11 years with this wonderful man as my own - and 20 years of "on and off" friendship before that!
Have a Happy Valentine's Day!
So I wrote cute little love notes to him and truly didn't mind. After all, I insisted upon loving a man who told me my eyes were beautiful... like pond algae...I knew what I was getting into.
Then, we grew into a more romantic phase - when he called me his little turtledove with a straight face, and brought me beautiful flowers on random "they made me think of you" days.
Tragedy struck on 9/11 and we grew stronger with each other's support. We had ups and downs afterwards - some of the worst times of my life - but having grown thru them, we are a team and no man can tear us asunder!
Last month, we had our 11 year anniversary. I have known this man since he was a gawky, shy 15 year old track star and I was an awkward, shy 14 year old track wanna-be. We didn't exactly run together, for he was and is far more a talented athlete than I - in fact, he probably would have preferred to toss me off the team altogether! It would be several years before we were on friendly speaking terms.
We are now in our mid-40s, and I love him in small quiet ways and I love him in big gushy, embarrassing ways.
I loved the way he would blush and be all self-conscious when girls would wolf-whistle and call out "great legs!" to him in high school. I love the way he plays piano and completely, unselfconsciously loses himself in the music. I love the way he now needs reading glasses at night when he reads his Bible in bed. I love the way he pursues truth even when it annoys the living daylights out of me. I love the way he ran 2 miles in the middle of the night to the hospital to be with me in the ER when I was hit by a car (I was ok - minor fractures/bruises). I love the way he cried with me when my brother was killed on 9/11. I love the way he eats my cookery experiments and tries to sincerely compliment dishes I know he can't stand. I love the way he helps to care for our home, even though he hates owning "lots of things".
Most of all, I love that he loves me - and that we are truly partners. This week I have been a bit depressed and cranky and I love that he still cares for me and my tender feelings even when I'm being completely unreasonable.
For Valentine's Day, I am making him oreo truffles because he likes sweet things and I have not baked sweet things since Christmas. (Note to self: Muffins do not count as sweet things because they can be eaten as meals?) I am also writing him a mushy love letter outlining why I am glad to have had 11 years with this wonderful man as my own - and 20 years of "on and off" friendship before that!
Have a Happy Valentine's Day!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Pondering on Family
Family - a loaded word, it means many different things to different people.
Family can be an actual nuclear “blood” family - our extended blood family - aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.
Families are marked and changed by love, by births, by deaths, by divorces.
Family blends two or more people into new units that then reproduce newer units: Husband and Wife, Mother and Father and Child, Sisters and Brothers, and so on.
Family opens itself to utter strangers that we decide to love and adopt.
Family can even include friends who are “like family” and become, over time and love, part of the greater unit.
How these various families work out in real life is what creates so much drama and richness - and pain and suffering - in our culture.
Think of the ever-classic evil stepmother – eternally jealous of her husband’s children. How many fairy-tales we would have lost without this stereotype (Cinderella, Snow White, The Twelve Brothers, and more). Or the chilling family creed lived out in The Godfather.
Or think of tales of battered children, neglected elderly parents, adulterous or abusive spouses - all failures of family, all failures of the covenant family represents. A covenant of love, respect, concern, caring.
My own family contains various units that were tossed together in the sunny days and raging storms of life - we stood together in love, and grew stronger. We have weathered death, divorces, remarriages - and welcomed new spouses as beloved new family members.
I consider myself blessed in my of sisters-in-law - past and present, they are all my sisters.
I am blessed with a wonderful brother-in-law. I know, I have three brothers so how do I have a brother in-law? Its complicated. He is married to my sister-in-law, who was married to my brother, who died on 9/11. I told you it was complicated - but love ties families together, not labels!
Our family is lucky. Yes, there has been divorce and death and tragedy - but family and love survive.
How many blended families curdle and break apart? And what is the solution?
How do you address the pain and anger of your new children in a healing manner when you may have contributed to this pain and anger?
How do you allow your new partner to discipline the children that you have spent so many years protecting?
And how do you ensure that the your marriage stays the priority it should be, and does not become overwhelmed and beaten down by the day-to-day wear and tear of child-rearing?
How do you ensure that you truly learn where you erred in the past in order to ensure that you do not repeat negative patterns?
These questions resonate for me as I recently visited a dear friend who's blended family is still in what I think are "The Early Years" of blending 2 sets of teens. There is love, and I can see the outlines of the developing new family unit - but there are also lumps in the batter, and how to address those lumps can strain the wisest of us.
LORD, thank you for the family you placed me into. Thank you for helping me to learn from and be humbled by my many flaws and mistakes so that I can provide a wiser heart and ear for my loved ones.
Family can be an actual nuclear “blood” family - our extended blood family - aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.
Families are marked and changed by love, by births, by deaths, by divorces.
Family blends two or more people into new units that then reproduce newer units: Husband and Wife, Mother and Father and Child, Sisters and Brothers, and so on.
Family opens itself to utter strangers that we decide to love and adopt.
Family can even include friends who are “like family” and become, over time and love, part of the greater unit.
How these various families work out in real life is what creates so much drama and richness - and pain and suffering - in our culture.
Think of the ever-classic evil stepmother – eternally jealous of her husband’s children. How many fairy-tales we would have lost without this stereotype (Cinderella, Snow White, The Twelve Brothers, and more). Or the chilling family creed lived out in The Godfather.
Or think of tales of battered children, neglected elderly parents, adulterous or abusive spouses - all failures of family, all failures of the covenant family represents. A covenant of love, respect, concern, caring.
My own family contains various units that were tossed together in the sunny days and raging storms of life - we stood together in love, and grew stronger. We have weathered death, divorces, remarriages - and welcomed new spouses as beloved new family members.
I consider myself blessed in my of sisters-in-law - past and present, they are all my sisters.
I am blessed with a wonderful brother-in-law. I know, I have three brothers so how do I have a brother in-law? Its complicated. He is married to my sister-in-law, who was married to my brother, who died on 9/11. I told you it was complicated - but love ties families together, not labels!
Our family is lucky. Yes, there has been divorce and death and tragedy - but family and love survive.
How many blended families curdle and break apart? And what is the solution?
How do you address the pain and anger of your new children in a healing manner when you may have contributed to this pain and anger?
How do you allow your new partner to discipline the children that you have spent so many years protecting?
And how do you ensure that the your marriage stays the priority it should be, and does not become overwhelmed and beaten down by the day-to-day wear and tear of child-rearing?
How do you ensure that you truly learn where you erred in the past in order to ensure that you do not repeat negative patterns?
These questions resonate for me as I recently visited a dear friend who's blended family is still in what I think are "The Early Years" of blending 2 sets of teens. There is love, and I can see the outlines of the developing new family unit - but there are also lumps in the batter, and how to address those lumps can strain the wisest of us.
LORD, thank you for the family you placed me into. Thank you for helping me to learn from and be humbled by my many flaws and mistakes so that I can provide a wiser heart and ear for my loved ones.
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